El Centro de Douchebag

I'm really at a loss today. I'm laughing so hard I can't see straight enough to choose which one of these magically delicious photographs to use for this blog. Screw it, like the dude on the left says "Two"...

Hey Rick Astley, what's goin' down? That crimp in your hair is puttin' a serious cramp in my side... and your windblown Nugent pose is tearing me apart.

Whoever owns and operates this Rock and Roll Confidential website is literally on my christmas card list this year. Special thanks to Beth for bringing it to my attention. Kudos.

Douchebag Central

Equally hilarious is a video called "Heavy Metal Parking Lot" which is basically "dudes" and their "chicks" hanging out in the parking lot of a Judas Priest/Dokken show in the 80's totally wasted drinking smoking and acting like complete morons. (The all-knowing) Wikipedia has this to say.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot is a video documentary produced by Jeff Krulik and John Heyn in 1986. It documents heavy metal music fans partying in the parking lot outside the Capital Centre (later renamed US Airways Arena, since demolished) in Largo, Maryland on May 31, 1986 before a Judas Priest concert (with opening act Dokken).

By the early 1990s, Heavy Metal Parking Lot had become an underground cult-classic, usually traded on bootleg VHS videotapes. HMPL was reportedly a favorite on the Nirvana (band) tour bus. It is available on DVD in a 20th-anniversary edition.

American Hi-Fi parodied Heavy Metal Parking Lot in their music video for their debut hit single Flavor of the Weak. The Backstreet Boys also lampooned it in their music video for Just Want You To Know. Film distributor Cowboy Pictures gave it a limited theatrical release in 2003, paired with Chris Smith's documentary Home Movie.

In 2004, Trio (TV network) aired the series Parking Lot, which expanded on the 1986 documentary. Created & co-produced by the original filmmakers, John Heyn & Jeff Krulik (in association with Radical Media), eight episodes were broadcast before Trio TV went off the air in 2006. Parking Lot webisodes are available on Trio's website.

I think there are even several spin offs of this underground classic "Top Model Parking Lot" "Day After Thanksgiving Day Sale Parking Lot" "Sport Fishing Parking Lot"... the list goes on... but not for me.

A Virtual Waste of Money

My friend Jonathan and I go garage-sale hunting a lot, and in Hollywood that can be quite an adventure. For instance I got these sweet Virtual Reality goggles made by a company named i-glasses at this really rich and uninterested looking guy's yard sale.

Remember virtual reality - the wave of the future? Jeff Fahey and Pierce Brosnan out-nerding each other in what can arguably be called the worst Stephen King film adaption ever (I know that's saying something) - The Lawnmower Man. Somewhat ground breaking for it's time, VR is much more interesting as a concept than a reality... but don't tell that to these guys

GEEK HEAVEN

It's hard to decide which to laugh at first... The force feedback Interactor Vest?... Or the 6VOF Delta whch comes with a description as follows:

Built with the same meticulous care as its 3-DOF counterpart, the 6-DOF DELTA haptic device is designed as a complete solution for the most demanding haptic applications. With its unique mechanical design, the DELTA-6-DOF is Force Dimension's most flexible and versatile haptic device.

Do you have a device that can tell me what the hell the 6VOF Delta acutally does?

Please note the picture above... I can't even imagine why someone would pay $345,000.000 for an obnoxios looking sphere with which you can only look at nature slides. And who makes software for a $345,000 obnoxious looking HD video sphere. I'm gonna stick to my $10 VR goggles, they're definately geeky enough for me.

In the Evening He's a Singer in the band

1. Ask anyone over the age of 10 who Bob Marley is and you’ll get a pretty standard answer “The greatest reggae singer… ever”. Ask them who Desmond Dekker is and more likely than not, unless you’re in the carribean restaurant or a UK old school punkers club, most people will simply give a shrug and a headshake. Both had their share of international stardom and both had hits in the US and UK Top Ten. The easiest way to remember how each of these guys filled a special musical niche is as follows: Bob Marley did it bigger… Desmond Dekker did it first.

Desmond Dekker, was born Desmond Adolphus Dacres on July 16^th, 1941 in the city of Kingston on the island of Jamaica. Dekker lived a meager life as a child and was orphaned in his early teens. Forced to earn a living on his own, Desmond took an apprenticeship as a welder, and soon his workmates noticed that he could sing.

Dekker, at the behest of his friends and coworkers then began actively searching out a recording career. Starting with Coxsone Dodd at Studio One in 1961, Dekker was to experience a taste of failure on the road to his eventual fame. Dodd took the same stance as Duke Reid at Treasure Isle recording studios. Neither one of them saw Desmond as marketable and politely showed him the door. It was Derrick Morgan pride of the Rocksteady movement who saw young Desmond as a diamond in the rough and took him under his wing. A full two years later in 1963 Dekker released “Honour Your Father and Mother” on Leslie Kong’s Beverley label. Desmond’s first release hit the charts hard and he followed up with a string of hits such as “Sinners Come Home” “Labour for Learning” and “King of Ska” backed by the Maytals (then known as the Cherrypies).

Dekker’s credibility wasn’t cemented until he gave his Mr. Nice Guy image a makeover (some thanks, no doubt, to Derrick Morgan for inspiration) and planted his talent deep into rude boy territory with “007 (Shanty Town) a percussive and gritty look at his Kingston valley home. After that his musical reputation preceded and he was taken as a role model by Mods and disciples of Ska in the UK. By 1968 even Paul McCartney was a fan, framing the lyrics to “Ob-la-di Ob-la-da” around a character named Desmond, confirmed to have been inspired by his friend Desmond Dekker.

It was in that same year that he released “the Isrealites” an sizzling chart topper with stellar vocals that even managed to slide into the US Top Ten for a moment. It was the song that he would be remembered for. Now the Mods were all over him. Desmond and the Beverley label would release several more singles and a compilation entitled “the Isrealites” to capitalize on the success of the track.

Throughout the 70’s and 80’s Dekker struggled to match the success of his first few singles, without much luck. Music was changing from tough to fluff, and threatening to leave renowned Jamaican singer Desmond Dekker in the dust. It was Gus Van Szandt’s 1990 film Drugstore Cowboy that re-opened the door to Dekker’s legacy. Featured prominently in the film as well as being used for a popular Maxell tape ad, “The Isrealites” was heading for the mainstream once again. The self proclaimed “King of Ska” continued to release albums into his declining years and has enjoyed multiple resurgences in popularity.

Desmond Dekker’s May 11, 2006 show at Leeds will serve those who remember it as his last concert performance. The talented musical visionary collapsed in his home on May 24^th. RIP Ska King wherever you are.

Other Musical Items of note:

2. Maximo Park: All the parts that I liked about 80’s bands... without the 80’s.

3. Plastic Bertand: So this guy from Belgium named Roger Jouret formed a band with himself and became famous for a song called “Ce Plan Pour Moi” which he neither wrote nor sings. Fantastic.

Armageddon it

With Ebay apparently now selling nuclear weapons (google search for Nuclear Weapons then check the ads at right) I think it's only a matter of time before some of my favorite items get to the mass market as well.

'chindogu' is the japanese word coined for the art of the unuseless idea.
strangely practical and utterly eccentric inventions for a life of ease and hilarity have taken the land of the rising sun by storm. meant to solve the niggling problems of modern life, these bizarre and logic-defying gadgets and gizmos have a tendency to fail completely. addicts of the unuseless all over the world love this collection. the art of chindogu was born in the late
1980's when amateur inventor kenji kawakami discovered that a not-quite-usable idea for a new gadget or product could nonetheless be enjoyable if one were to create a prototype and take delight in the way it misses its mark.
the term 'chindogu' entered the english vocabulary in 1991 when then senior society member dan papia (president of chindogu society america) published an article on the subject in japan's leading english-language magazine, the 'tokyo journal'.

More info here:

A History of Unuseless Items


---
the 10 tenents of chindogu
---

1. a chindogu cannot be for real use.

iIt is fundamental to the spirit of chindogu that inventions
claiming chindogu status must be, from a practical point of
view, (almost) completely useless. if you invent something
which turns out to be so handy that you use it all the time,
then you have failed to make a chindogu.
try the patent office.

2. a chindogu must exist.

you are not allowed to use a chindogu, but it must be made.
you have to be able to hold it in your hand and think:
'I can actually imagine someone using this. almost.'
in order to be useless, it must first be.

3. inherent in every chindogu is the spirit of anarchy.

chindogu are man-made objects that have broken free from
the chains of usefulness. they represent freedom of thought
and action: the freedom to challenge the suffocating historical
dominance of conservative utility; the freedom to be (almost)
useless.

4. chindogu are tools for every day life.

chindogu are a form of nonverbal communication understandable
to everyone, everywhere. specialized or technical inventions,
like a three- handled sprocket loosener for drainpipes centered
between two under-the sink cabinet door (the uselessness of
which will only be appreciated by plumbers), do not count.

5. chindogu are not for sale.

chindogu are not tradable commodities. if you accept money
for one you surrender your purity. they must not even be sold
as a joke.

6. humor must not be the sole reason for creating a chindogu.

the creation of chindogu is fundamentally a problem-solving
activity. humor is simply the by-product of finding an elaborate
or unconventional solution to a problem that may not have
been that pressing to begin with.

7. chindogu is not propaganda.

chindogu are innocent. they are made to be used,
even though they cannot be used. they should not be created
as a perverse or ironic comment on the sorry state of mankind.

8. chindogu are never taboo.

the international chindogu society has established certain
standards of social decency. cheap sexual innuendo, humor
of a vulgar nature, and sick or cruel jokes that debase the
sanctity of living things are not allowed.

9. chindogu cannot be patented.

chindogu are offerings to the rest of the world, they are not
therefore ideas to be copyrighted, patented, collected and owned.
as they say in spain, 'mi chindogu es tu chindogu'.

10. chindogu are without prejudice.

chindogu must never favor one race or religion over another.
young and old, male and female, rich and poor, all should have
a free and equal chance to enjoy each and every chindogu.


Wacky Inventions - has an excellent showcase of items that are absolutely not in any way... idiotic.

Stupid.com - Always fun and never, ever a complete waste of money.

The List goes on and on and on... - More proof that we are definately advancing as a species.

Topless Sandals - I'm fricking serious... How can these exist?

Same to you Whitey!

I wish I could see five minutes into the future of this picture... Me and the shark high-five-ing after he's done eating the idiot on the boat. Delicious. There's just something fantastic about a picture of a 2,000 pound 6 million year old killing machine being toyed with by what I predict to be this years Darwin award front-runner.

Anyway, on to more important things... like music!

A few more recommendations of new music to make you shake your thangalanglang

1. The Sounds - Yea I know it's girly pop, but guess what smart guy... That's what your "girlfriend" likes. Do yourself a favour and fruit out to this for like 15 minutes. It's worth the effort.

2. The Secret Machines - Ethereal pop with wide open spaces. A little like the Apples in Stereo if they joined up with the Shimmer Kids and took some luudes. Which brings me to...

3. The Shimmer Kids - Formerly known as The Shimmer Kids, these guys now wave a flag that reads "Society of Rockets". Don't be fooled though, the Shimmer Kids are where it's at. They released an EP some 3 odd years ago called "We're All Chiefs and No Indians" that is just waiting for you to love it. Psych pop as good as Brian Wilson wants it to be.

4. Pony Up! - Loose Moldy Peaches in a candy shop. They have a song about Matthew Modine that rhymes Phoebe Cates with "Lots of dates in New York State". Super fun... like Summer!

5. Hot Chip - This electro-lad from the UK has somehow overcome the usually ugly British cheekiness inherent in almost every dance track created in the British Isles. Slammin' beats and excellent production. If you don't like this... I hate you.

Goodnight Burbank....Hello Haha!

I really can't remember what it was I did for a hobby before I got my video iPod. I think maybe I used to read something called "books" or play "sports". Those days, I'm afraid, are long gone. The time of physical activity is over... the time of the couch potato is at hand... and that hand is filled with my video ipod.

And to usher in this technological revolution of travelling television, I'd like to tell you about one of my favorite podcasts (this week!):

Goodnight Burbank- a fictional newscast that's more concerned with the anchors than
it is the news (although all the news is genuine). It's got elements of the Office and Sportsnight (and some have said the Daily Show although other than the fact that they both traffic with news, I'm not sure why).

Please go check it out at:
http://www.goodnightburbank.com

They have 4 episodes up on the site and 4 more in an editing bay, so this is most definitely an ongoing project.

McLobster I hardly knew ye...

The human brain is truly amazing in it's capacity to absorb information. There's really no limit to the useless info that can be stored inside one's noodle.

For example it is possible, with time and effort, to cram all of the menu items that have been discontinued by McDonalds over the years.

1. McLobster - Pictured at left, this one may actually still be served in the New England states and/ or Canada. God knows I love my cheap crab salad served in a flaccid hot dog bun.

2. McDLT - As stupid a marketing campaign as ever there was. This champion of sandwich temperature keeps the "Hot side hot" and the "Cold side cold".

3. The McJordan Burger - A Quarter pound BBQ Bacon cheeseburger complete with 2 onion ring on it. Because when I think Michael Jordan I think... Onion Rings! Or is this named after Jordan Knight?

4. The Arch Deluxe - The self proclaimed "Luxury Hamburger". Probably would have sold better if it came with bucket seats and an all leather interior.

More fascinating info here at Wikipedia:

McAwesome!

David Blaine... Aqua-magician

God help this planet earth. We have world leaders that can't speak or spell, musicians that can't sing, dance, or play an instrument, and the worlds most famous magician actually drowning himself as a magic act.

I remember when being pulled out of a watery grave and resucitated was called "surviving".

Oh yea... and some Scientology!

How the whether is

I've been very inspired by the work of Daniel Johnston lately. I hope you enjoy this video.

A film for Daniel Johnston

Today was a pretty good news day, more later.

New Music To Preach about

I'm so angry at myself for not knowing about Daniel Johnston's free show at Amoeba last night... and now I've missed it. What can be done? Not a thing... Daniel's website To help me forget the pain of missing this once in a lifetime opportunity I've been listening all day to some really great new music.

1. Gnarles Barkley (Cee Lo Green & Dangermouse): St. Elsewhere - Cee Lo is the next hip hop mastermind, I'm sure of it. His voice is astounding and pretty much carries the album. Dangermouse is really working overtime on a few tracks here, but it feels a little forced. The major downside I have is really with some of the changes and key choices, but overall a fairly solid party album. Tracks of note: Suicide, Go Go Gadget Gospel, Transformer

2. Sunset Rubdown: Shut up I am Dreaming - Excellent and eccentric pop album. The arrangements are really good and the songs are easily listenable over and over again. Kind of like They Might Be Giants with Bryan Ferry singing. Tracks of note: They Took A Vote and Said No, A Day in the Graveyard

3. A Certain Ratio: Early and John Peel Sessions - I know these tracks are pretty old (1978) but man do they sound fresh. How did these guys not get as big as say Joy Division or the like? If you crossed Patti Smith with Martha and the Muffins I think this is what you'd have. Tracks of note: Skipscada, Shack Up, Oceans