Snakes on the Brain

I would have thought that a Friday night 7pm showing on opening weekend at Mann's Chinese Theater would have been more packed, but I would have been wrong. Considering the movie in question Snakes on a Plane is undoubtedly the movie sensation of the year.

It might have something to do with the fact that Mann's Chinese 6 has the distinct odor of a locker room after tryouts. Whatever the case, I couldn't have cared less about who else was in the theater as long as I was there to witness the birth of a brilliant film franchise. I mean I'm assuming Sam Jackson, genius that he is, has had the foresight to get some hacks set to work at rattling out at least two sequels. The second of course being Snakes on a Train and then the inevitable Snakes on an Automobile, co-starring Bruce Willis and finally targeting the baby boomers, thereby cementing itself as the most absolute perfectly marketed film trilogy of all time.

Maybe I'm hoping for too much. My head is still in the clouds bubbling with excitement after the rush of watching Several odd thousand snakes fuck up everything in sight. Am I wrong or did Snakes have every single exciting movie cliche ever put on film, only bigger and badder and ten times more ridiculous. When Sam Jackson pulls his piece and tells you it's time to teach those mutherfuckin' snakes a mutherfuckin' lesson you believe him. Mountains of snakes on an airplane inside of which I am travelling is almost as scary as the feeling that (I can't believe I'm saying this) but within the context of the film, everything makes sense. You have to believe only one thing... That this could happen. That a witness in a trial against a world renowned drug lord could potentially be assassinated by venomous snakes on an airplane really only sounds idiotic until you consider what crazy shit has been happening on planes in recent days.

I digress, the movie is brilliant as artless entertainment. As a test in strategic marketing, Snakes on a Plane is one of the most successful I've ever seen, and as a Friday night event in Hollywood, it's all that AND a bag of chips.

Snakes on a Mutherfucking Blog

The marketing behind this film is perhaps the best I've ever seen.
Snakes +Plane+Sam Jackson = me shitting my pants with visible glee and uncontrollable laughter. Samuel L Jackson may just be the hippest guy in Hollywood with this off the chart casting decision. My personal prediction is that Snakes on a Plane is gonna completely wipe out the competition in theatres this weekend. In the spirit of good fun, I've tried to wrangle together as many Snakes tie-ins as I could find. If anyone has any others, please email me and I drop them on the site and give you credit!

First of all, if you haven't seen the trailer... you're an asshole. HERE IT IS

The never boring, ever expanding YouTube cuts a fairly wide swath with their selections involving said Snakes on a Plane, which are HERE

I also know of every American's affinity for things burned into toast, and if you're like me you're going to slap down at least one bid for this crispy bitch... Even if you hope you don't win afterall.

Anyone as curious as me about what the damn star of this movie, one Samuel L Jackson, is listening to while he's thinking about all the box office receipts he's gonna be swimming through... better check out his personal itunes playlist... HERE

I can't even describe how funny this next thing is... You just have to experience it for yourself... I'm fairly certain that my several dozen friends and I have never had so much fun with so little effort. How would you feel about Sam Jackson calling you at home!

and I don't know what the fuck is going on HERE, but it makes me smile, and it certainly looks like video chat with Sam "Bad Mutherfucker" Jackson.

This stunning slice of cult cinema brilliance even has it's own mutherfucking MYSPACE PAGE

Oh, and the official site is HERE

We've got a mutherfucking blockbuster! MY BLOG

Much Ado About Nothing...

"Hey Mel, it's me Jesus. I brought you to this bar to get you drunk and ask your honest opinion on something. Waddya think of the Jews. No, really I want your honest opinion. Oh come on, that can't be the way you really feel. Have another drink. Own the whole world? That doesn't even make sense logistically. Another drink this one's on me. Oh c'mon Mel, you're just pissed off and ranting after a long night of drinking your weight in Tequila. You don't really hate all the Jews do you? Fine, say whatever you wanna say, you can't make me mad, I'm the Christ, and my passion is helping you get home tonight. And dude, here's a breath mint... seriously"

Of course, I'm paraphrasing what should have been the long and short of this whole Mel Gibson debacle. I think we should probably all assume that Mel was having his absurdly hate filled conversation not with a cop, but a hallucinatory vision of Christ created from a head full of fine Mexican liquor and an ego the size of the moon. I call bullshit on anyone and everyone who wants to throw stones at ol' Mel. That mutherfucker gave you Braveheart, Mad Max, and Lethal Weapon! And he plays crazy in all three of them, so it's not like he didn't warn you that he's a little off kilter. Bottom line... Mel Gibson is a person just like everyone else. He's not infallible.



Oh and Mel, here's a guidebook for the next time you go out to a bar. Larry Miller's hilarious and informative 5 levels of drinking